sex

Parece haver na publicação um “teste” em suas páginas finais. Nunca vi em publicações por aqui, atuais ou pretéritas. Q lástima. Intitulado “The Metal Test”, apresenta o seguinte subtítulo: “pitting your heroes against the test that really matters”.

E o da edição recente q trouxe de Londres tem Simone Simons, a gostosa vocalista do Epica, q alternou memorável sinceridade, encantadora falta de noção e truezice impagáveis, ante questionário malvado.

Seguem 7 dos 10 momentos:

WHAT’S THE MOST ILLEGAL THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?
‘I’m pretty boring, I guess. I’ve smoked weed in the past but it’s legal in the Netherlands so does it still count? Oh, I know, sex in public places! It last happened 12 years ago. I’m a responsible mother now, ha ha!’

WHAT’S THE MOST METAL ALBUM IN YOUR RECORD COLLECTION?
‘The selection on my phone is pretty poor, but I have Lacuna Coil, Opeth, Ghost and Michael Jackson. Is Michael Jackson metal? I guess not. The most metal thing I have is an In Flames album, Reroute to Remain‘.

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD?
‘I had a ruptured appendix when I was in Mexico. I was close to dying. I was in agony for a long time before we worked out what was wrong, and then I had to have immediate surgery. I actually looked pregnant because my belly was so full of pus. It was really sexy… ha ha ha!’

WHAT IS THE MOST THAT YOU’VE EVER BEEN SICK?
‘I had food poisoning when I was in Turkey. Every time I puked, I would shit myself. I sat on the toilet with my head in the sink. I was vomiting until blood came out. It was really nasty. The last time it happened was in Colombia and I thought I was going to die. Right before the show I had stomach ache and my belly was inflated. You think you just need to fart and that’ll be it, but I couldn’t. After the show I had really bad heart palpitations. I threw up a couple of times and my heart calmed down but I was still in agony. Then I had to fly back home. Two long flights with food poisoning!’

WHAT’S THE GROSSEST THING YOU’VE EVER HAD IN YOUR MOUTH?
‘Hmmm. I tried oysters once and I didn’t like them much. It’s like eating pussy juice. Men might like it, I guess. It’s like swallowing a placenta’.

(…)

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU BLED?
‘Today. I got my period. It’s a monthly situation’.

(…) (…)

WHAT’S THE MOST METAL PICTURE ON YOUR PHONE?
‘The most recent picture is our keyboard player crowsurfing during a show while playing the keytar. That was pretty metal’.

 

A avaliação final dá nota 7 (de 10 possíveis) num ranking de truezice, assim comentando: “a sturdy effort featuring vomit, shit, blood, pus, public nudity and keytars? Simone Simons, we salute you”.